Posts Tagged ‘stock photography’

Searched for: determined woman

Wednesday, January 11th, 2012

Women are made to look like idiots. A lot. It’s kind of the hallmark of advertising. You’d think that would make this image useful. It doesn’t.

Iron Woman

Iron Woman

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Searched for: diversity

Thursday, December 8th, 2011

My favorite stock photography site claims this is a mixed-race father and daughter. This may well be true, in which case, bless you and your diverse genetic beauty. But, could you put some shirts on and stop having face sex with the camera? Thanks.

Creepy Dad

Creepy smile for Daddy. Gross.

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Searched for: facial spa – pt 2

Thursday, October 20th, 2011

Didn’t know black face was on the relaxing spa menu.

Racist body treatment.

I'll have the full-body dookie facial.

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Searched for: pensive

Saturday, October 15th, 2011

The pensive cat gets the bird.

Pensive cat

Put a bird on it.

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Searched for: debate

Thursday, October 13th, 2011

Let’s try and guess what the debate is all about: Did they A) eat a bunch of LSD and start tripping hard during their meeting or B) get sent to the afterlife after Brad finally lost it and shot up the place?

Trippy deadline

Whichever it is, someone needs to die.

 

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Searched for: customer service

Friday, August 19th, 2011

Well, this customer certainly is getting serviced – hey-ohhh! Seriously though, could this be any more perverse? Maybe if Mom was in there too.

I definitely scream

Mommy, Daddy's giving us ice cream again!


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Searched for: bad receptionist

Tuesday, August 16th, 2011

Well, she’s probably pretty useless considering she’s squirming around in a onesie bathing suit and freaky disco goggles while taking phone calls. Plus, that big condom hat over her ears must make it pretty hard to hear.

Swimmer freak takes your calls

Thanks for calling Synchronized Disco Swim Freaks, how may I direct your call?

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Searched for: criminal defense lawyer

Sunday, July 31st, 2011

Notice there aren’t really any lawyers. Thanks image search.

Creepy lawyer

Oh no! I see a verdict in your future.

You have the right to remain creepy.

Chicken goes down

Old thug

Let's go to THAT Denny's.

Laptop Bling

Gangstas keep their laptops real. With gold plating and Norton handgun security. Bang!

Little gangster bitch

Don't make me fucking kill you.

Can't you see that I am dangerous?

Camouflage Warrior

No one sees my nips coming
before I blast them.

More internet security

Bang Bang!

Freak has sex with rose

Freeze!

Freeze!!

Freeeeze!!!

FREEZE!!! Or no lap dance!!!

Freeze!! The 80s are over!!

 

Oh, here's your bullet.

FREEZE!!! I need you...

 

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Searched for: serious woman

Sunday, July 3rd, 2011

Well, she is serious about one thing: hot dance moves. And don’t think I didn’t notice her fiery red hair blowing in the breeze; I did. The breeze was most likely caused by the fan they deliberately set up to make her look awesome.

Hot dance moves

90s jeans meet 70s dance moves -
not sure if they're designed for that

 

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Searched for: people

Monday, June 20th, 2011

I know, I know. “People” is a vague search term – so I deserve what I get. But that doesn’t dilute the uselessness of this super soft porn illustration. The title of the image is “Interactive Touch”. No, really. Which makes me think Phil Collins might be holed up in his attic scribbling out PG-13 illustrations of his songs.

She seems to have an interactive touch - Yeah!

 

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