Bad Stock Art

Someday this kid will graduate to actual firearms. Thanks a lot, Dad.

Drag boy is the target of super soaking wet dreams

Thanks Jez for this hilarious madness.

Boxing takes a twisted, yet sexy, turn into the mad desires of this old freak. Or maybe the desires of his old lady who made him strut his limber stuff on her best florals with her best creepy dolls and persian cat (doll?).

Pose for Mama! She needs all her favorite toys before she goes to Pleasuretown!

AS we ramble down the lonely path to dementia, we see this blonde lady from the 90s poised to pummel her ex husband. Sadly, the photographer didn’t even attempt to adjust the white balance and it’s not 1990. Or perhaps the extreme pink is some kinda hack artistic statement. That statement is, “I am not artistic nor a photographer”.

Where's my alimony, you pig.

Ah yes, the jumping boxing businesswoman. The next logical step down the long road of complete visual madness. Why is she striking a happy sales model pose while jumping and punching? No one knows. Except you, crazy photographer.

What am I doing? Jump punching. What are you doing?

Keeping with playful boxing innocence, here a badly drawn boy punches a creepy blob with numerous resemblances to genitalia. The artist claims the blob is an inflatable clown which is creepy, even if you can’t draw it properly.

Boy hits blob.

gathering… gathering… what are we gathering here? muscle mass? stereotypes? hipster paraphernalia?

As soon as I'm ripped I'm going to get my boombox back from the pawn shop...

thanks to Chris – whose indie pop band can be heard here: ScreamingMaldini.com -  for this imaginative scene.

Well, why don’t we start the ‘search for boxing’ series off with a light-hearted bit of monkey-punching. Don’t feel bad big guy, you didn’t hurt him.

Yeah it's all fun until he pulls off your arms.

Could this possibly be a whole family of gun-wielding child maniacs? Make Momma proud!

Mister, if you click one more picture I'll shoot ya...

Oh, my bad. I forgot to search for “child WITHOUT FIREARM”. I forget the basics of internet searching sometimes. This image is actually entitled, “Naked boy 8-9 with rifle”. Perfectly innocent.

I call shotgun!

Well this ingenious form of human expression certainly is cause for celebration. This “photographer” entitled this rights-managed photo, “Boobs and Beer” – in case you weren’t sure of the content. I don’t know, I might have called it, “Elbows and Table” but, what the fuck do I know about photography. (mind you, rights-managed photography that prints in an ad ranges in price from about $500-$4000 USD)

Look ma, boobs and beer!

This hilarity was provided by @victoriaosborne – thank you, victoria. We needed a good celebration.

This reader-submitted image caused me to forcibly lol. I don’t know what I love more: the overwhelming plastic-on-plastic-plus-veggies sexual tension, or the years of deadly serious emotion on his face underneath that glorious glam rock mullet.

Honey, please, you've been on your feet all day... let me make the mirepoix.

Much thanks to AWESOME ANONYMOUS FAN for this beauty.

One of our intensely loyal fans searched for “bad” – which resulted in this clown. Not without irony, the clown IS actually bad. Even as far as clowns go. I mean, in what ad does one place a lounging clown creep wearing a Pickelhaube? I suppose if we were selling John Wayne Gacy whoopie cushions…

This gig was my easiest yet. Hey, you got kids?

thanks @ Static for this one.

This one goes out to our recent influx of fans from the UK… Welcome berks and slags from merry olde England: land of smokey hallucinations and greed! (according to the stock photography sites, anyway)

My wind is worth more than you!

…in fact, currency-obsessed Britain couldn’t possibly be described in just one photo.

Proactive daydreams of ROI.

P.S. sorry if “berks” and “slags” is offensive … I’m American! I’m intrinsically offensive and have no idea what words mean!!

Why is it every time I mow Grandma’s lawn, she pays me in condoms? Creepy.

No, Nanna, I don't want to have herpes forever like you.... I know, it's a terrible cross to bear...

© copyright 1999-2010 Getty Images, Inc.

Um, I could start a new blog called “Bad stock photos of hands”. Because there are 90 million stupid/useless* photo results for this inspired subject matter. If anyone ever sees a dude in his tighty whiteys hitch-hiking in front of the portrait backdrop at Wal-Mart – DO NOT pick him up. He’s completely nuts. Ha! I said nuts.

Dude can I get a ride? I didn't bring much.

* I just decided that I will coin the term, “stupless”. Or maybe “uselid”. “Stupidless”? I’ll stop now.

© copyright 1999-2010 Getty Images, Inc.

This wouldn’t be considered “bad” if it were the 90′s and I was trying to sell Kool-Aid. Also, if her other hand wasn’t dangling suspiciously in her crotchal zone – making the viewer completely uncomfortable.

No, there is not poopy coming out of me.

Hey, remember when we were allowed to use NFL copyrighted logos and apparel in whatever way you feel like without consent of the NFL? Yeah, me neither, because you were never allowed. Not even in the 80s when this shot was taken. Nice shades, asshole.

The 80s called, they don't want you to come back. Ever.

EXPLODING INTERNET WORLD WIDE WEB HAND!!! When God uses the WWW, you will know that shit, bitch!!!!!! And on the 7th day He pointed and clicked!!!!! Also, what’s with the break dancing kicking businessmen? It’s probably some crap head who spent WEEKS creating them in a 3D program and now includes them in every stupid image composition he makes thereafter. Don’t believe me? See the next image.

I want YOU!! To stop wasting my time. Please stop.

…told you I’d make a believer out of you. YOU!!!!

Oh, you wanted the Lord's hand in blue? COMING AT YA!!!!

Alice in garbage-land? It is mighty sad and astonishing the number of undoubtedly male photographers who get off by supplying models with t&a revealing wardrobes – whether or not it has anything to do with the subject matter. And what is the subject of this shot anyway? Burning trash? Is the whole house burnt down? Where’s the Cheshire Cat?

We're shooting for a new magazine, "My Nonsense Fantasies". Should be on bottom shelves in 7-11 by next year.

© copyright 1999-2010 Getty Images, Inc.

Yeahhhhh, we’ve all played that game with Mom’s latex gloves floating in the sink. What we all didn’t do is expect people to pay money for pictures of playtime. These sorta remind me of a zombie coming at me trying to grab my boobs – if I had boobs.

Zombie gloves need love, too.