Bad Stock Art

Dammit, how is this a trend?? Wearing your tie over your eyes doesn’t make you blind or disabled, it makes you retarded! Oh wait…..

I'm lost can you return me to my cubicle?

Is being a dumbass considered a disability?

I'm typing!

WOW. This really isn’t a competition, but this is THE WORST STOCK IMAGE OF ALL TIME. “The Nothing People”???? WTF?? This is a superb indie rock album cover, but a HORRIBLE illustration. The title the “artist” gave to this illustration is “pen and ink drawing of blind people”. Really? You think these are blind people, really?  Blinded by nothingness! Blinded by Zero! What a pile of shit.

We have a winner.

Oh, another BIG THANKS to @pagalina for referring me to the search term ‘disabled adult’ … it has turned out to be a gold mine of horrific nonsense. Go ahead, see for yourself…

Well somebody’s about to get disabled! American Psycho style!

Would you care to donate a limb to the disabled people foundation?

big thanks to @pagalina for keeping my blog going while I space out.

Damn, that kid needs a nurse. Looks like he’s got a botox head.

No fair, why does baby get to be plastic??

I have no idea why this photographer is being so dramatic. Is this supposed to scare us from getting our prostates checked? I just keep hearing the “Duh Duh Dunnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!” music playing, you know, like in that viral dramatic chipmunk video.

Shadow nurse!!! Gonna get ya!!!!

So, someone in this picture looks like an actual, professional serious nurse. She’s got no time for the bullshit. She’s overworked and underpaid.  She could properly install a catheter for you. And someone else in this picture looks like a barbie clown stripper from upskirts.com. And she’s obviously not actually hurt. She’s a cartoon. So, what the hell are we supposed to do with this? Use it to illustrate “ludicrous” in the dictionary? Why so serious? Why so absurd? Why waste our time?

Pick a direction. Thanks.

Yes, shoes. Can everyone see the shoes? I’d hate for you to miss them. They’re separated by ladies panties and some guy’s ass crack. My favorite part is – if you try to look away, there is a cat’s butt hole waiting for your traumatized eyes.

F#%$ me pumps. Or are those heels...

thanks again to Victoria for another great and terrible edition of stock photography.

Oh loooook, 60s cat had kittens! I’m going to name them Bob, Ross and Happy Little Cloud!

Bob Ross may be dead, but his paintings will live forever.

Yep, it’s a cat. Barely. I didn’t know you could scan old library books and sell it as “stock photography”. There are so many things I don’t know…

If you stare at his "face" long enough, you warp through time and land in the 60s.

Search fail: Can you find the tape? Yeah, it’s a band-aid on her knee. Photoshop fail: Radioactive children and puppies? Yeah, next time just don’t open Photoshop. We can handle it.

We're watching you. We're always watching.

Digging through my archive of failed searches… The only thing that fails more than the “concept” of this photo is the execution. I need to submit this shrunken mutant arm to PhotoshopDisasters.com

Don't look at me that way! You know it shrinks my arms!!!

As we’ve said before, domestic violence truly isn’t funny. So, when composing a serious scene, why the hell slap a visually confusing dartboard in the back of this evenly lit studio shot? Is she the “target” of the abuse? Is someone about to throw darts at her?

Hmm... someone hit me ... but who...

Hmmm… I suppose a huge headline might be able to explain what’s going on in the image… let’s try:

Woman loses battle with dartboard

Nope, didn't work.

These perfectly ordinary males between ages 18-22 are just hanging around, throwing darts at each other without a care in the world. I wonder if the dart is loaded up with tattoo ink…

Dude, hold still! You're my target demographic!

I love how organic this photo is … the model just improvised and did what comes natural. Or more likely, was following orders from yet another crazed photographer pervert. Let’s just hope he doesn’t look for the next natural place to put the CD…

Look! I'm transferring data!

Well isn’t this a clever metaphor? No, it isn’t. IF the target is your brain and the object is getting high with the needles, you totally missed the mark. IF the goal is to get scissors and scalpels into your brain for a lobotomy, you missed the bulls-eye there too. Essentially, this image makes no F-ing sense. Write a headline for this graphic. Please, we’re all waiting.

Just say NO to drugs and scalpels and scissors.

And technically, this isn’t even a dartboard. FAIL.

It’s true, nothing makes a barbeque like dogs. Hot dogs. Hot hairy dog heads on the grill. Deeeeee-licious.

Daddy there's hair on my weiner!

Thanks a million to @victoriaosborne for this piece of madness.

Bulls-eye!!!! Soundwaves! Dartboard! Ear! Whoever made this is a true magician. A true magician who should never open PhotoShop again.

What?

The terrible illustration of a literal photoshop rendering of a cliché mixed metaphor. So glad this gem is a part of our paid image subscription.

Bulls Eye Success!!

Let’s just keep on keepin on … in the freaky world of darts. You didn’t know the dart world was so freaky, did you? Now you know.

Whatever you do... do not throw CG darts at me.

And why is it anything and everything business-related seems to end up alone in the desert?

Please throw darts at me. Please. I'm all alone here. I just want someone to throw darts at me. I'm so thirsty.