Archive for the ‘wtf?’ Category

Searched for: gas mask (pt2) (reader submitted)

Monday, August 23rd, 2010

The image title is, ahem, “stock-photo-two-young-women-wear-gas-masks-connected-to-each-other-for-a-unique-photograph”. I smell a Lifetime original movie. Or maybe I just smell someone else’s breath attached to my face by a hose. Maybe Lifetime will sponsor the Human Centipede sequel.

Lesbian Centipede (only on Lifetime)

Searched for: gas mask (reader submitted)

Saturday, August 21st, 2010

Yep. The future is looking pretty bleak. At least we’ll still have cookies to get us through the hard times. Or maybe they’re making diarrhea cookies. Those would stink.

Cookies anyone?

I don't want corn in mine! I like nuts!

Thank you ANONYMOUS FAN for sharing this gas mask fetish with us.

Searched for: party

Wednesday, May 26th, 2010

This has to be the most bitchin party scene ever concocted by the mind of man. This psychedelic electro jam is entitled, “Barack-Obama-3D-model”. If you ever want to throw down, do it with the president, a giant and futuristic electro drugs.

President Obama: Party Machine

Gimme some fist jab

Searched for: disabled adult (pt2)

Friday, May 14th, 2010

WOW. This really isn’t a competition, but this is THE WORST STOCK IMAGE OF ALL TIME. “The Nothing People”???? WTF?? This is a superb indie rock album cover, but a HORRIBLE illustration. The title the “artist” gave to this illustration is “pen and ink drawing of blind people”. Really? You think these are blind people, really?  Blinded by nothingness! Blinded by Zero! What a pile of shit.

Worst stock image of all time

We have a winner.

Oh, another BIG THANKS to @pagalina for referring me to the search term ‘disabled adult’ … it has turned out to be a gold mine of horrific nonsense. Go ahead, see for yourself…

Searched for: fireplace (part 2)

Friday, February 12th, 2010

Oh, I get it! An astronaut is coming out of my laptop to dust my fireplace! What convenience! But, what I don’t get is, how do you dust in zero gravity? The dust would just float everywhere. Other than that, this is TOTALLY realistic and NOT making me want to sear my eyelids shut – forsaking vision for the rest of my life. Not at all.

Astronaut arm laptop dusting fireplace

What photoshop diarrhea would look like in zero gravity.

Searched for: melted ice cream (part 3)

Friday, February 5th, 2010

Yep, another super fabulous artsy photoshop series – I’m going to call it, “Photoshop Sextasy”

Melted paint on face - pseudo art

Oh yeahhh, render that bitmap all over my face.

And a little creepier, but equally nonsensical and pseudo-dramatic sensual.

Photoshop melts woman's face

You're so hot when your skin slides off your face.

Searched for: melted ice cream (part 2)

Friday, February 5th, 2010

Well, I didn’t plan to make out with a sensual man and his waffle cone today, but … I can’t …. look away…. must … lick…

Man impregnates ice cream with face

Man impregnates ice cream with face

Searched for: woman shouting

Tuesday, January 19th, 2010

Honestly, I don’t even know what to write here. This is just a terrible illustration which cannot be used anywhere. Also, I feel like I’m staring into her skull via her nasal passages on the right… Just wanted to share.

Freak-off

Look into my brain when I shout at you!

Searched for: woman overwhelmed

Friday, January 8th, 2010

So, you’re shouting into a magnifying glass in the middle of the desert … is the overwhelming part that your tongue is searing from the sun rays or that nobody came to your meeting on a sand dune?

Woman with magnifying glass in her mouth in the desert.

Can anybody hear my big mouth??

Searched for: children shouting

Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009

Some illustrations are better than others. This one is not. I’m not even sure how this constitutes a child.

Oh, to be a young mutant freak again...

Searched for: tired

Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009

Um, so, in what way is she tired? And what idea/emotion is she supposed to be expressing? Zany? Psychotic? Wasting my life?

And while she doesn’t appear the least bit sleepy, she sure makes me tired… tired of the “balloon head caricature” treatment. This trend will not die. This is our first balloonhead and, I assure you, there will be hundreds more. In my mind, there’s nothing more half-assed than scaling someone’s head in photoshop and passing it off as a “caricature”.

Kiss me, I'm trendy.

Searched for: crazy

Monday, December 21st, 2009

Well, it certainly is crazy. Searching for ‘crazy’ stock art is an equally slippery slope of nonsense and intense hilarity. It makes my job take forever, but damn it sure is fun. Of course, I don’t have clients in the high-fashion industry, where this would be filed under “fabulous”.

Does this jump rope make me look fierce?

Searched for: woman shouting (part 2)

Thursday, December 17th, 2009

Help! I’m falling and I can’t stop blasting my nips!

Note to self: titty twister

Searched for: Crazy (reader submission)

Tuesday, December 15th, 2009

WOW.

Thanks to John for this jaw-dropping entry, which shows you just what happens when you dare to test the bounds of stock art reality.

Although, I think I now understand the meaning behind the Hall and Oats song “Private Eyes”. They certainly are watching you, aren’t they?

Watching your every move...

Searched for: Paper Currency (part 2)

Wednesday, October 28th, 2009

This image makes me want to break out in song. Ahem.

“Rollin down the street

With my briefcase

Sipping a latte

Laid back

With my mind on my money and my money on my mind.”

bsadolla

Searched for: Santa Claus

Tuesday, October 27th, 2009

Aw. Real classy Santa.

73985662

See. THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I PISS IN YOUR MILK.

Searched for: child upset

Friday, July 24th, 2009

Child abuse is nothing to laugh at. It is a serious issue that should be handled with integrity and sensitivity. Also, dumping a quarry load onto a child’s face probably qualifies as abuse.

DARE to keep children from being stoned

DARE to keep children from being stoned

Searched for: female shouting

Thursday, July 16th, 2009

Puppy eating is a fine art. If you’re going to eat puppies, you need to muster a great bellow to work up the courage and strength to defile something so cute and innocent. I say go for the ear – it’s the softest.

12228470-shouting female holding puppy on an isolated background.thb

So cute you just want to eat him.

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Searched for: ice cream

Thursday, July 9th, 2009

Hello, this is the first post for badstockart.com – an archive and interrogation of horrid stock photography, illustration, animation and anything else peddled to those in search for something beautiful.

we’ll start with an innocent search for “ice cream” for a direct mail piece targeting moms with young kids who like to have fun. you know, fun like ice cream. but this photographer knows what kids really like. tennis balls. dripping blood. in a sugar cone.

sb10065402f-001

Bloody delicious

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