Bad Stock Art

Note to professional models seeking work: if you get propositioned by a motivated photographer with buckets of metallic body paint: RUN AWAY. Otherwise you’ll have to get naked and paint yourself up for a never-ending photo shoot featuring you and your glittery, submissive skin. If you’re that desperate for cash, be sure you get paid up front and say ‘no thanks’ to a percentage of the royalties. Because no one is going to buy that shit.

Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!

It really never ends…

High 5 on fumes!

I have a cup.

Ohhhhhhhh, so close. It was ALMOST the BEST IMAGE EVER. If only Snuggles had looked up at that moment like Stinky and Twinky. Oh well, let’s sell it to a stock photo site anyway.

Pictures of your cats do not an advertisement make.

The search for “fur hat” unleashed an amazing avalanche of crazy – presumably because only crazies wear fur hats. We’ll let you decide…. This appears to be a child that has been abducted by a sasquatch.

"You cute. Bigfoot keep."

Yep, another super fabulous artsy photoshop series – I’m going to call it, “Photoshop Sextasy”

Oh yeahhh, render that bitmap all over my face.

And a little creepier, but equally nonsensical and pseudo-dramatic sensual.

You're so hot when your skin slides off your face.

While we needed the ice cream to be melting, there’s NO WAY we were about to pay for one of those crazy expensive food photographers. Although, they might not have made the ice cream look like shit.

This ice cream tastes like ass!

Another timeless classic. Did I say timeless? I meant piece of useless 80s garbage classic.

Don't make me come to the future and stare at you.

Honestly, I don’t even know what to write here. This is just a terrible illustration which cannot be used anywhere. Also, I feel like I’m staring into her skull via her nasal passages on the right… Just wanted to share.

Look into my brain when I shout at you!

What in the flunked-out-of-art-school am I looking at here? The “illustration” is entitled, Illustration of Child Emotions. I’m no artist, but isn’t it difficult to emote when your nose hole is where your mouth hole should be?

For sale: shit you can draw better yourself