Bad Stock Art

Okay, I see how it is. Due to a recent and inexplicable explosion of a stock photography meme about women eating salad – I’ve come to realize you damn people want your stupid stock photography in a nice little list. Oh, the whole damn blogging world just loves their stupid blogger lists. You think I can’t make lists?? Oh, I’ll make a list all over your stupid face!!!

Delicious 90s salad - I get jiggy with salad!

Learn to draw huge bangs in precision detail at the Art Insitute of Chicago

I'm surprised Sandra Bernhard let someone draw her with her clothes on

Stick it in your salad hole.

Better stay on that diet, fatty fat fat.

Stare at it!!! It's beautiful!!!!!!!!

Oh, you want another list? You want another one? Here you go.

Pregnant Women Eating Salad

Hahaha my baby loves apples! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAH!!!

Oh yeah... you wanna watch while I impregnate myself with greens?

Gotta blow on this salad, it's too hot!

When I eat a apple I touch myself.

Oh yeah bitch? Watch me eat MY apple - grrrrrr

You want more, tough guy? Well by all means, coming right up….

Ohhhhhhh, you thought you were done looking at stupid painted metallic hands. Nope. It never ends. EVER!

FEEL my glitter sheen!!

Nor do the objects held by metal hands:

I have an idea - STOP WASTING FILM!!

Note to professional models seeking work: if you get propositioned by a motivated photographer with buckets of metallic body paint: RUN AWAY. Otherwise you’ll have to get naked and paint yourself up for a never-ending photo shoot featuring you and your glittery, submissive skin. If you’re that desperate for cash, be sure you get paid up front and say ‘no thanks’ to a percentage of the royalties. Because no one is going to buy that shit.

Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!

It really never ends…

High 5 on fumes!

I have a cup.

There’s a whole series of these – and a bad series for every bad photo shoot. This one is special because it’s obviously from the early 90′s. Don’t think I didn’t notice the CEO power mullet, either. I did.

I'm sorry I missed your call, I'm in the future