Bad Stock Art

Here we go again with the search fails. No dog. Not even a girl really. Just some dude’s fantasy rocket boob lady.

Mrs. Roboto doesn't need a damn dog.

Excellence? Really? How do YOU measure excellence? Surely the longest sausage is the best… or is it the banger with the most breadth?

I see your brat is as excellent as mine.

Thank you so much @victoriaosborne – our most excellent submitter of bad stock art! (hopefully she’ll take over the blog someday…)

So, what exactly is gathering here? Giant airplane-crushing custodians? What’s with the latex glove? Why the bed sheet pattern sleeve? What the F is going on in this picture??  How can we make sense of this?? Tell us, please! We have so many questions!!!

..and on your right you'll see a giant lumberjack about to end your life.

thanks AGAIN to Chris – whose indie pop band can be heard here: ScreamingMaldini.com – for this puzzling photo.

gathering… gathering… what are we gathering here? muscle mass? stereotypes? hipster paraphernalia?

As soon as I'm ripped I'm going to get my boombox back from the pawn shop...

thanks to Chris – whose indie pop band can be heard here: ScreamingMaldini.com -  for this imaginative scene.

One of our intensely loyal fans searched for “bad” – which resulted in this clown. Not without irony, the clown IS actually bad. Even as far as clowns go. I mean, in what ad does one place a lounging clown creep wearing a Pickelhaube? I suppose if we were selling John Wayne Gacy whoopie cushions…

This gig was my easiest yet. Hey, you got kids?

thanks @ Static for this one.

Note to professional models seeking work: if you get propositioned by a motivated photographer with buckets of metallic body paint: RUN AWAY. Otherwise you’ll have to get naked and paint yourself up for a never-ending photo shoot featuring you and your glittery, submissive skin. If you’re that desperate for cash, be sure you get paid up front and say ‘no thanks’ to a percentage of the royalties. Because no one is going to buy that shit.

Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!

It really never ends…

High 5 on fumes!

I have a cup.

Yep, another super fabulous artsy photoshop series – I’m going to call it, “Photoshop Sextasy”

Oh yeahhh, render that bitmap all over my face.

And a little creepier, but equally nonsensical and pseudo-dramatic sensual.

You're so hot when your skin slides off your face.

You know, the seashell with the pretty swirls from your math book? Yeah, didn’t need the 90′s bikini teen to completely steal the focus of the image. In fact, no one needs that. Ever. But hey, the upside of the totally obscured subject matter is the 4 extra hours it will take me to finish the project – and that’s good for my bank account.

Thanks for shelling out the billable hours, bikini girl!

© copyright Getty Images, Inc.

Um, so, in what way is she tired? And what idea/emotion is she supposed to be expressing? Zany? Psychotic? Wasting my life?

And while she doesn’t appear the least bit sleepy, she sure makes me tired… tired of the “balloon head caricature” treatment. This trend will not die. This is our first balloonhead and, I assure you, there will be hundreds more. In my mind, there’s nothing more half-assed than scaling someone’s head in photoshop and passing it off as a “caricature”.

Kiss me, I'm trendy.