Bad Stock Art

Get it? It’s a pig kicking around a pigskin. You know, the flesh of his mother or best friend wrapped around a ball. FUN!

Touchdown!

Is this kid praising Jesus or summoning his flying animatronic friends to come feast on the living?

Come brothers! Let us devour the fat ones first!

Photographers really know how to bring out the emotions deep within all of us. Someone really captured granny’s inner shock and awe.

Shock

Awe

Shock Awe Shock Awe Shock Awe Shock Awe Shock Awe Shock Awe Shock Awe Shock Awe

Yep. He’s reaching out to his old metallic balls. No, really, that’s what this image is called. Okay, technically it’s called, “Elderly man holding two metal balls”, but let’s not split hairs here. Speaking of hair, this guy’s breast fuzz won’t stop staring at me.

At least he doesn't have metallic pubes
... or does he???

Well this is something… Something nasty. I just can’t wait to see if it’s a boy or a girl.

Some stock photography blows more than others.

Thank you Rob for creeping us out … big time.

Well, can’t blame the keywords on this one, it’s definitely a screaming male. And now that I’ve found him, I just wish he’d stop staring at me.

Toto where are youuu? I have some new jeggings for you to try on...

Boxing takes a twisted, yet sexy, turn into the mad desires of this old freak. Or maybe the desires of his old lady who made him strut his limber stuff on her best florals with her best creepy dolls and persian cat (doll?).

Pose for Mama! She needs all her favorite toys before she goes to Pleasuretown!

Keeping with playful boxing innocence, here a badly drawn boy punches a creepy blob with numerous resemblances to genitalia. The artist claims the blob is an inflatable clown which is creepy, even if you can’t draw it properly.

Boy hits blob.

Why is it every time I mow Grandma’s lawn, she pays me in condoms? Creepy.

No, Nanna, I don't want to have herpes forever like you.... I know, it's a terrible cross to bear...

© copyright 1999-2010 Getty Images, Inc.

Yep, another super fabulous artsy photoshop series – I’m going to call it, “Photoshop Sextasy”

Oh yeahhh, render that bitmap all over my face.

And a little creepier, but equally nonsensical and pseudo-dramatic sensual.

You're so hot when your skin slides off your face.

Honestly, I don’t even know what to write here. This is just a terrible illustration which cannot be used anywhere. Also, I feel like I’m staring into her skull via her nasal passages on the right… Just wanted to share.

Look into my brain when I shout at you!

Some illustrations are better than others. This one is not. I’m not even sure how this constitutes a child.

Oh, to be a young mutant freak again...

HELLO!! Meth dealer and PCP dealer???!!!!!!!! Make it a double!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cellular lambchops.

WOW.

Thanks to John for this jaw-dropping entry, which shows you just what happens when you dare to test the bounds of stock art reality.

Although, I think I now understand the meaning behind the Hall and Oats song “Private Eyes”. They certainly are watching you, aren’t they?

Watching your every move...

Listen up children and listen up well. There is a reason that 99% of magicians are relegated to the birthday party circuit.

It’s because they’re freakin’ creepy.

I’m really sorry about this magicians of the world – but you’re just a smattering of white face paint away from being a clown.

Aw. Real classy Santa.

See. THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I PISS IN YOUR MILK.

Child abuse is nothing to laugh at. It is a serious issue that should be handled with integrity and sensitivity. Also, dumping a quarry load onto a child’s face probably qualifies as abuse.

DARE to keep children from being stoned

Like most clowns, this clown is psychotic, hopped up on meth and makes me want to cry. Unlike most clowns, this one is saying, “You’re going do die!!!!” (the description of this image actually says, “Funny clown isolated on white background”)

Clowns are NOT funny.

You just know this guy has a windowless van.

Hey kid, wanna lick my sideburns?

Puppy eating is a fine art. If you’re going to eat puppies, you need to muster a great bellow to work up the courage and strength to defile something so cute and innocent. I say go for the ear – it’s the softest.

So cute you just want to eat him.