Finally. She’s dead. I assume she’s supposed to be exhausted from running on the treadmill. But I think she’s tired of posing like an idiot for her boyfriend, er, “photographer”. (Yes, those are sarcasm quotes)
Dead. Like my modeling career.
I couldn’t help myself – I had to pick on this girl again. Her confused, raised-eyebrow expression is supposed to be her “sexy look”, I suppose, since she’s not wearing underwear. Add to this the awkward way she’s kicking out her leg and it’s clear that something “not good” is going on “down there”.
Got that not-so-fresh feeling? Maybe you shouldn't put hammers down there.
Search fail: Can you find the tape? Yeah, it’s a band-aid on her knee. Photoshop fail: Radioactive children and puppies? Yeah, next time just don’t open Photoshop. We can handle it.
We're watching you. We're always watching.
I love how organic this photo is … the model just improvised and did what comes natural. Or more likely, was following orders from yet another crazed photographer pervert. Let’s just hope he doesn’t look for the next natural place to put the CD…
Look! I'm transferring data!
AS we ramble down the lonely path to dementia, we see this blonde lady from the 90s poised to pummel her ex husband. Sadly, the photographer didn’t even attempt to adjust the white balance and it’s not 1990. Or perhaps the extreme pink is some kinda hack artistic statement. That statement is, “I am not artistic nor a photographer”.
Where's my alimony, you pig.
Well this ingenious form of human expression certainly is cause for celebration. This “photographer” entitled this rights-managed photo, “Boobs and Beer” – in case you weren’t sure of the content. I don’t know, I might have called it, “Elbows and Table” but, what the fuck do I know about photography. (mind you, rights-managed photography that prints in an ad ranges in price from about $500-$4000 USD)
Look ma, boobs and beer!
This hilarity was provided by @victoriaosborne – thank you, victoria. We needed a good celebration.
Um, I could start a new blog called “Bad stock photos of hands”. Because there are 90 million stupid/useless* photo results for this inspired subject matter. If anyone ever sees a dude in his tighty whiteys hitch-hiking in front of the portrait backdrop at Wal-Mart – DO NOT pick him up. He’s completely nuts. Ha! I said nuts.
Dude can I get a ride? I didn't bring much.
* I just decided that I will coin the term, “stupless”. Or maybe “uselid”. “Stupidless”? I’ll stop now.
© copyright 1999-2010 Getty Images, Inc.
This wouldn’t be considered “bad” if it were the 90′s and I was trying to sell Kool-Aid. Also, if her other hand wasn’t dangling suspiciously in her crotchal zone – making the viewer completely uncomfortable.
No, there is not poopy coming out of me.
Alice in garbage-land? It is mighty sad and astonishing the number of undoubtedly male photographers who get off by supplying models with t&a revealing wardrobes – whether or not it has anything to do with the subject matter. And what is the subject of this shot anyway? Burning trash? Is the whole house burnt down? Where’s the Cheshire Cat?
We're shooting for a new magazine, "My Nonsense Fantasies". Should be on bottom shelves in 7-11 by next year.
© copyright 1999-2010 Getty Images, Inc.
Yeahhhhh, we’ve all played that game with Mom’s latex gloves floating in the sink. What we all didn’t do is expect people to pay money for pictures of playtime. These sorta remind me of a zombie coming at me trying to grab my boobs – if I had boobs.
Zombie gloves need love, too.
Man, I’ll never catch up to that floating dollar with these tiny legs. Also, that weird shaft coming out of my skull concerns me a little. Maybe I should see a doctor…
Fat head chasing his dreams
Ohhhhhhh, you thought you were done looking at stupid painted metallic hands. Nope. It never ends. EVER!
FEEL my glitter sheen!!
Nor do the objects held by metal hands:
I have an idea - STOP WASTING FILM!!
Note to professional models seeking work: if you get propositioned by a motivated photographer with buckets of metallic body paint: RUN AWAY. Otherwise you’ll have to get naked and paint yourself up for a never-ending photo shoot featuring you and your glittery, submissive skin. If you’re that desperate for cash, be sure you get paid up front and say ‘no thanks’ to a percentage of the royalties. Because no one is going to buy that shit.
Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!
It really never ends…
High 5 on fumes!
I have a cup.
Oh, I get it! An astronaut is coming out of my laptop to dust my fireplace! What convenience! But, what I don’t get is, how do you dust in zero gravity? The dust would just float everywhere. Other than that, this is TOTALLY realistic and NOT making me want to sear my eyelids shut – forsaking vision for the rest of my life. Not at all.
What photoshop diarrhea would look like in zero gravity.
Ohhhhhhhh, so close. It was ALMOST the BEST IMAGE EVER. If only Snuggles had looked up at that moment like Stinky and Twinky. Oh well, let’s sell it to a stock photo site anyway.
Pictures of your cats do not an advertisement make.
The search for “fur hat” unleashed an amazing avalanche of crazy – presumably because only crazies wear fur hats. We’ll let you decide…. This appears to be a child that has been abducted by a sasquatch.
"You cute. Bigfoot keep."
Yep, another super fabulous artsy photoshop series – I’m going to call it, “Photoshop Sextasy”
Oh yeahhh, render that bitmap all over my face.
And a little creepier, but equally nonsensical and pseudo-dramatic sensual.
You're so hot when your skin slides off your face.
While we needed the ice cream to be melting, there’s NO WAY we were about to pay for one of those crazy expensive food photographers. Although, they might not have made the ice cream look like shit.
This ice cream tastes like ass!
I didn’t know you could braise greens in LSD, but I suppose the proof is in the pudding. Thanks @pagalina for this inexplicably trippy submission.
Honey, pass me the shrooms.
