Archive for the ‘bad photographer!’ Category

Searched for: fashion model (pt5)

Wednesday, July 7th, 2010

Finally. She’s dead. I assume she’s supposed to be exhausted from running on the treadmill. But I think she’s tired of posing like an idiot for her boyfriend, er, “photographer”. (Yes, those are sarcasm quotes)

Dead girl on treadmill

Dead. Like my modeling career.

Searched for: fashion model (pt4)

Wednesday, June 30th, 2010

I couldn’t help myself – I had to pick on this girl again. Her confused, raised-eyebrow expression is supposed to be her “sexy look”, I suppose, since she’s not wearing underwear. Add to this the awkward way she’s kicking out her leg and it’s clear that something “not good” is going on “down there”.

Poor confused construction worker

Got that not-so-fresh feeling? Maybe you shouldn't put hammers down there.

Searched for: tape

Wednesday, April 21st, 2010

Search fail: Can you find the tape? Yeah, it’s a band-aid on her knee. Photoshop fail: Radioactive children and puppies? Yeah, next time just don’t open Photoshop. We can handle it.

Radioactive puppy

We're watching you. We're always watching.

Searched for: CD

Wednesday, April 14th, 2010

I love how organic this photo is … the model just improvised and did what comes natural. Or more likely, was following orders from yet another crazed photographer pervert. Let’s just hope he doesn’t look for the next natural place to put the CD…

Woman pleasures CD

Look! I'm transferring data!

Searched for: boxing (pt 4)

Monday, March 29th, 2010

AS we ramble down the lonely path to dementia, we see this blonde lady from the 90s poised to pummel her ex husband. Sadly, the photographer didn’t even attempt to adjust the white balance and it’s not 1990. Or perhaps the extreme pink is some kinda hack artistic statement. That statement is, “I am not artistic nor a photographer”.

pink warrior

Where's my alimony, you pig.

Searched for: celebration (reader submitted)

Wednesday, March 24th, 2010

Well this ingenious form of human expression certainly is cause for celebration. This “photographer” entitled this rights-managed photo, “Boobs and Beer” – in case you weren’t sure of the content. I don’t know, I might have called it, “Elbows and Table” but, what the fuck do I know about photography. (mind you, rights-managed photography that prints in an ad ranges in price from about $500-$4000 USD)

Boobs and beer - what don't you understand about that?

Look ma, boobs and beer!

This hilarity was provided by @victoriaosborne – thank you, victoria. We needed a good celebration.

Searched for: hand (pt 4)

Friday, March 19th, 2010

Um, I could start a new blog called “Bad stock photos of hands”. Because there are 90 million stupid/useless* photo results for this inspired subject matter. If anyone ever sees a dude in his tighty whiteys hitch-hiking in front of the portrait backdrop at Wal-Mart – DO NOT pick him up. He’s completely nuts. Ha! I said nuts.

Undie man hitching

Dude can I get a ride? I didn't bring much.

* I just decided that I will coin the term, “stupless”. Or maybe “uselid”. “Stupidless”? I’ll stop now.

© copyright 1999-2010 Getty Images, Inc.

Searched for: hand (pt 3)

Friday, March 19th, 2010

This wouldn’t be considered “bad” if it were the 90′s and I was trying to sell Kool-Aid. Also, if her other hand wasn’t dangling suspiciously in her crotchal zone – making the viewer completely uncomfortable.

I want YOU! To find my other hand.

No, there is not poopy coming out of me.

Searched for: house close-up (pt 3)

Monday, March 15th, 2010

Alice in garbage-land? It is mighty sad and astonishing the number of undoubtedly male photographers who get off by supplying models with t&a revealing wardrobes – whether or not it has anything to do with the subject matter. And what is the subject of this shot anyway? Burning trash? Is the whole house burnt down? Where’s the Cheshire Cat?

Alice in garbage land?

We're shooting for a new magazine, "My Nonsense Fantasies". Should be on bottom shelves in 7-11 by next year.

© copyright 1999-2010 Getty Images, Inc.

Searched for: house close-up (pt 2)

Saturday, March 13th, 2010

Yeahhhhh, we’ve all played that game with Mom’s latex gloves floating in the sink. What we all didn’t do is expect people to pay money for pictures of playtime. These sorta remind me of a zombie coming at me trying to grab my boobs – if I had boobs.

Rubber gloves in the sink

Zombie gloves need love, too.

Searched for: money (pt 2)

Tuesday, February 16th, 2010

Man, I’ll never catch up to that floating dollar with these tiny legs. Also, that weird shaft coming out of my skull concerns me a little. Maybe I should see a doctor…

Man with enormous head chases dollar

Fat head chasing his dreams

Searched for: hands close up (pt 2 of ∞)

Saturday, February 13th, 2010

Ohhhhhhh, you thought you were done looking at stupid painted metallic hands. Nope. It never ends. EVER!

Metallic model sells out

FEEL my glitter sheen!!

Nor do the objects held by metal hands:

Stupid lame metal hands holding light bulb

I have an idea - STOP WASTING FILM!!

Searched for: hands close-up

Saturday, February 13th, 2010

Note to professional models seeking work: if you get propositioned by a motivated photographer with buckets of metallic body paint: RUN AWAY. Otherwise you’ll have to get naked and paint yourself up for a never-ending photo shoot featuring you and your glittery, submissive skin. If you’re that desperate for cash, be sure you get paid up front and say ‘no thanks’ to a percentage of the royalties. Because no one is going to buy that shit.

Metallic hands firing gun

Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!

It really never ends…

More stupid metallic hands

High 5 on fumes!

Gawd damn stinking metallic hands

I have a cup.

Searched for: fireplace (part 2)

Friday, February 12th, 2010

Oh, I get it! An astronaut is coming out of my laptop to dust my fireplace! What convenience! But, what I don’t get is, how do you dust in zero gravity? The dust would just float everywhere. Other than that, this is TOTALLY realistic and NOT making me want to sear my eyelids shut – forsaking vision for the rest of my life. Not at all.

Astronaut arm laptop dusting fireplace

What photoshop diarrhea would look like in zero gravity.

Searched for: fireplace

Friday, February 12th, 2010

Ohhhhhhhh, so close. It was ALMOST the BEST IMAGE EVER. If only Snuggles had looked up at that moment like Stinky and Twinky. Oh well, let’s sell it to a stock photo site anyway.

Picture of cats in front of fireplace

Pictures of your cats do not an advertisement make.

Searched for: fur hat

Tuesday, February 9th, 2010

The search for “fur hat” unleashed an amazing avalanche of crazy – presumably because only crazies wear fur hats. We’ll let you decide…. This appears to be a child that has been abducted by a sasquatch.

Bigfoot's childhood photo

"You cute. Bigfoot keep."

Searched for: melted ice cream (part 3)

Friday, February 5th, 2010

Yep, another super fabulous artsy photoshop series – I’m going to call it, “Photoshop Sextasy”

Melted paint on face - pseudo art

Oh yeahhh, render that bitmap all over my face.

And a little creepier, but equally nonsensical and pseudo-dramatic sensual.

Photoshop melts woman's face

You're so hot when your skin slides off your face.

Searched for: melted ice cream

Thursday, February 4th, 2010

While we needed the ice cream to be melting, there’s NO WAY we were about to pay for one of those crazy expensive food photographers. Although, they might not have made the ice cream look like shit.

Ice cream on a spoon - or poop on a spoon

This ice cream tastes like ass!

Searched for: couple cooking (reader submitted)

Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010

I didn’t know you could braise greens in LSD, but I suppose the proof is in the pudding. Thanks @pagalina for this inexplicably trippy submission.

Couple does drugs while cooking

Honey, pass me the shrooms.