Searched for: gas mask (pt2) (reader submitted)

August 23rd, 2010 by badstockart

The image title is, ahem, “stock-photo-two-young-women-wear-gas-masks-connected-to-each-other-for-a-unique-photograph”. I smell a Lifetime original movie. Or maybe I just smell someone else’s breath attached to my face by a hose. Maybe Lifetime will sponsor the Human Centipede sequel.

Lesbian Centipede (only on Lifetime)

Searched for: gas mask (reader submitted)

August 21st, 2010 by badstockart

Yep. The future is looking pretty bleak. At least we’ll still have cookies to get us through the hard times. Or maybe they’re making diarrhea cookies. Those would stink.

Cookies anyone?

I don't want corn in mine! I like nuts!

Thank you ANONYMOUS FAN for sharing this gas mask fetish with us.

Searched for: surprised businessman (redeux)

July 30th, 2010 by badstockart

Well kids, we finally received our first scary legal email from one of our favorite places to find the best stock photography garbage. We had to remove many of our classic favorites. It’s sad, we know. We’ll have to start licensing all of our junk from now on, like this junk here.

Hulk scared!!!

Hulk scared!!!

Searched for: blue collar worker (pt4)

July 22nd, 2010 by badstockart

Um, can you at least throw a tarp down before you cut off your own head? It’s just common decency.

He's had enough

Don't worry, this is just a cry for help.

Searched for: blue collar worker (pt3)

July 21st, 2010 by badstockart

The photographer has prudently depicted a timeless classic: the business casual ladies spank fight. It’s a scene we’ve all witnessed at the office before, and FINALLY, for a nominal licensing fee, advertisers can use this image to sell products of all kinds to needy children near and far. Or just laugh at how stupid it is.

It's my turn to use the facsimile machine!

Searched for: blue collar worker (pt2)

July 16th, 2010 by badstockart

Is stripping considered a blue collar job? I suppose maybe it is…

Hayyyyyyyy

Hayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Searched for: blue collar worker

July 15th, 2010 by badstockart

Work it till it hurts, bitch!!! I have NO EFFING CLUE why jumping is so popular. It’s not really an expression of any kind. Except in this case, it expresses this fierce bitch working it until it hurts.

Fierce bitch just doin his job

Ohhhh yeeeeahhhh!! FEEL my delivery!!!

Searched for: fashion model (pt5)

July 7th, 2010 by badstockart

Finally. She’s dead. I assume she’s supposed to be exhausted from running on the treadmill. But I think she’s tired of posing like an idiot for her boyfriend, er, “photographer”. (Yes, those are sarcasm quotes)

Dead girl on treadmill

Dead. Like my modeling career.

Searched for: 4th of July

July 1st, 2010 by badstockart

If only this were a hugely popular tradition and the streets were filled with naked couples wrapped in flags. Brings a patriotic tear to my eye… sniff…

Patriotic embrace

Hey, where's the flag pole ... OH! there it is...

Searched for: fashion model (pt4)

June 30th, 2010 by badstockart

I couldn’t help myself – I had to pick on this girl again. Her confused, raised-eyebrow expression is supposed to be her “sexy look”, I suppose, since she’s not wearing underwear. Add to this the awkward way she’s kicking out her leg and it’s clear that something “not good” is going on “down there”.

Poor confused construction worker

Got that not-so-fresh feeling? Maybe you shouldn't put hammers down there.

Searched for: fashion model (pt3)

June 29th, 2010 by badstockart

Dear photographers… Please don’t set up confusing compositions full of obscure objects. I know, you were just trying to get that model in bed, but, do you really have to publish and attempt to sell the useless fruits of your fantasy photo album? (she’s wearing a utility belt and posing at a “construction site”, if you’re still trying to figure that out)

Demented woman in tool belt

Who wants to get hammered? I'm lookin at you, big boy.

Searched for: fashion model (pt2)

June 28th, 2010 by badstockart

There he goes again… trying to intimidate us with his aggressive emoting and gangster props. That cowboy hat just screams aggravated assault.

Cowboy Dork

Does this gun make me look scary?

Searched for: fashion model

June 25th, 2010 by badstockart

This model is too cool to realize he’s wearing tapered acid wash denim jeans from 1989 and copyrighted shoes from the same decade. It’s ironic couture. (not really, it’s just bad stock photography)

Cool dude in cool pose

Hey baby. Got a light? I need to burn these clothes.

Searched for: excellence (reader submitted)

June 9th, 2010 by badstockart

Excellence? Really? How do YOU measure excellence? Surely the longest sausage is the best… or is it the banger with the most breadth?

I see your brat is as excellent as mine.

Thank you so much @victoriaosborne – our most excellent submitter of bad stock art! (hopefully she’ll take over the blog someday…)

Searched for: party (pt2)

June 3rd, 2010 by badstockart

If you look past the unusable cheesiness of this scene, you’ll notice just what freaks the Europeans are. See, he’s holding euros. You didn’t notice the euros, did you? Nope, you were too busy eyeballing the 16 year olds. It’s okay, we understand. They’re practically legal. They’re your statutory dates.

Creep with teens

Know when to walk away, know when to run...

Searched for: party

May 26th, 2010 by badstockart

This has to be the most bitchin party scene ever concocted by the mind of man. This psychedelic electro jam is entitled, “Barack-Obama-3D-model”. If you ever want to throw down, do it with the president, a giant and futuristic electro drugs.

President Obama: Party Machine

Gimme some fist jab

Searched for: nurse (pt5)

May 22nd, 2010 by badstockart

She must be a specialist – with the special ability to hear through her eyeball.

"Nurse"

Look! I'm a nurse!

Searched for: disabled adult (pt7)

May 21st, 2010 by badstockart

Well well well, I wondered when Jesus would come to the party. Apparently the J-Man is healing a deaf, blind mute. And apparently he did this by feeding him delicious body of Christ. Just a nibble though. Note: the illustration is fine, but I do find it to be utterly useless, plus weird. Get your divine fingers out of this poor guy’s mouth, you freak.

Give a little bit

Would you also like a pedicure, master?

Searched for: disabled adult (pt6)

May 20th, 2010 by badstockart

You’re kidding right? Oh no, I forgot… you’re an artist – everything you create is a masterpiece! The photographer/artist named this, “wheelchair disabled nude decapitation handicapped”. Got to give it to him, not having a head can be a challenge.

Give yourself a hug. Everything will be alright.

Searched for: disabled adult (pt5)

May 19th, 2010 by badstockart

Now, this is more like it. That guy looks disabled. He’s definitely becoming a zombie. (don’t be too grossed out, it’s photoshop)

Zombie man

Look into my eye!