Well, if these don’t prevent sex, I don’t know what will.
See anything you like?
Family Fun
You know what stops AIDS? Banana condoms.
And pickle hats.
And creepy, condom vegetable orgies?
Ooh. Double Penetration
Aaaayyyyyyyyyyyy.
The Penis King Approves
So does Santa Penis.
Only the grace of an elegant woman can make sitting inside a toilet look classy.
Plus it vibrates!
Look, eyeball health is no joke. It’s serious, see?
Eyeglasses!! See what I did there??
Well, these assholes approve and they are real, true doctors:
Thumb!
Best friends!
Another boring Friday night. Keeping it steamy.
Steam my blouse - hit the club -
Steam my blouse - hit the club!
The illustrator named this picture “Football Bowl”. I like how the weird blood red table cloth is both inside and outside the bowl. That’s football bowl magic.
Happy Football Bowl everyone
Get it? It’s a pig kicking around a pigskin. You know, the flesh of his mother or best friend wrapped around a ball. FUN!
Touchdown!
Is this kid praising Jesus or summoning his flying animatronic friends to come feast on the living?
Come brothers! Let us devour the fat ones first!
The stupidity of this stock photo speaks for itself. But not for long.
Cut. It. Out. No don't. Really, don't.
Not much is more comforting than the warm embrace of a clown.
Mommy the other clowns said they eat bad little boys. You won't eat me, will you, Mom? Mom?
The title of this is “young woman accepts medicine”. I’m going to go ahead and assume that the medicine is Rohypnol and the photographer is the doctor.
Mummy want meds! Rrraaaaghhhh!
Women are made to look like idiots. A lot. It’s kind of the hallmark of advertising. You’d think that would make this image useful. It doesn’t.
Iron Woman
My favorite stock photography site claims this is a mixed-race father and daughter. This may well be true, in which case, bless you and your diverse genetic beauty. But, could you put some shirts on and stop having face sex with the camera? Thanks.
Creepy smile for Daddy. Gross.
Technically, the photography isn’t bad – they did a pretty good job with the whole miniature set thing. Her giant head and tiny legs just creeps me the hell out. Also creepy: photographers making children cry for their shot.
Don't cry kid... you only have to work until you're dead.
Thanks to Elyse M. for this creepy little worker bee.
This is such a typical distortion of history by the Man: pilgrims didn’t have cell phones!
What do you mean they killed all the indians??
Women sure are struggling. If stock photos (and most advertising) is to be believed, most women are seconds away from madness. Sexy, sexy madness.
Didn’t know black face was on the relaxing spa menu.
I'll have the full-body dookie facial.
Just keep chewing until you feel it working.
Sadly, not the stupidest beauty treatment you'll see.
The pensive cat gets the bird.
Put a bird on it.
Let’s try and guess what the debate is all about: Did they A) eat a bunch of LSD and start tripping hard during their meeting or B) get sent to the afterlife after Brad finally lost it and shot up the place?
Whichever it is, someone needs to die.
Well, this customer certainly is getting serviced – hey-ohhh! Seriously though, could this be any more perverse? Maybe if Mom was in there too.
Mommy, Daddy's giving us ice cream again!
