obese child

January 25th, 2012 by badstockart

Is this kid praising Jesus or summoning his flying animatronic friends to come feast on the living?

Stock photo of fat baby

Come brothers! Let us devour the fat ones first!

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determined woman (pt 3)

January 23rd, 2012 by badstockart

The stupidity of this stock photo speaks for itself. But not for long.

Crazy scissor lady

Cut. It. Out. No really, don't.

 

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comforting mother

January 16th, 2012 by badstockart

Not much is more comforting than the warm embrace of a clown.

Mommy clown scares boy

Mommy the other clowns said they eat bad little boys. You won't eat me, will you, Mom? Mom?

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Searched for: determined woman pt 2

January 13th, 2012 by badstockart

The title of this is “young woman accepts medicine”. I’m going to go ahead and assume that the medicine is Rohypnol and the photographer is the doctor.

Mummy bite

Mummy want meds! Rrraaaaghhhh!


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Searched for: determined woman

January 11th, 2012 by badstockart

Women are made to look like idiots. A lot. It’s kind of the hallmark of advertising. You’d think that would make this image useful. It doesn’t.

Iron Woman

Iron Woman

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Searched for: diversity

December 8th, 2011 by badstockart

My favorite stock photography site claims this is a mixed-race father and daughter. This may well be true, in which case, bless you and your diverse genetic beauty. But, could you put some shirts on and stop having face sex with the camera? Thanks.

Creepy Dad

Creepy smile for Daddy. Gross.

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Searched for: business owner (reader submitted)

December 2nd, 2011 by badstockart

Technically, the photography isn’t bad – they did a pretty good job with the whole miniature set thing. Her giant head and tiny legs just creeps me the hell out. Also creepy: photographers making children cry for their shot.

Creepy baby midget business

Don't cry kid... you only have to work until you're dead.

Thanks to Elyse M. for this creepy little worker bee.

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Searched for: thanksgiving

November 23rd, 2011 by badstockart

This is such a typical distortion of history by the Man: pilgrims didn’t have cell phones!

Blacksploitation Pilgrim

What do you mean they killed all the indians??

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Searched for: women struggling

November 4th, 2011 by badstockart

Women sure are struggling. If stock photos (and most advertising) is to be believed, most women are seconds away from madness. Sexy, sexy madness.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Searched for: facial spa – pt 2

October 20th, 2011 by badstockart

Didn’t know black face was on the relaxing spa menu.

Racist body treatment.

I'll have the full-body dookie facial.

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Searched for: facial spa

October 17th, 2011 by badstockart

Just keep chewing until you feel it working.

Relaxing puffer fish.

Sadly, not the stupidest beauty treatment you'll see.

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Searched for: pensive

October 15th, 2011 by badstockart

The pensive cat gets the bird.

Pensive cat

Put a bird on it.

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Searched for: debate

October 13th, 2011 by badstockart

Let’s try and guess what the debate is all about: Did they A) eat a bunch of LSD and start tripping hard during their meeting or B) get sent to the afterlife after Brad finally lost it and shot up the place?

Trippy deadline

Whichever it is, someone needs to die.

 

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Searched for: customer service

August 19th, 2011 by badstockart

Well, this customer certainly is getting serviced – hey-ohhh! Seriously though, could this be any more perverse? Maybe if Mom was in there too.

I definitely scream

Mommy, Daddy's giving us ice cream again!


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Searched for: bad receptionist

August 16th, 2011 by badstockart

Well, she’s probably pretty useless considering she’s squirming around in a onesie bathing suit and freaky disco goggles while taking phone calls. Plus, that big condom hat over her ears must make it pretty hard to hear.

Swimmer freak takes your calls

Thanks for calling Synchronized Disco Swim Freaks, how may I direct your call?

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Searched for: criminal defense lawyer

July 31st, 2011 by badstockart

Notice there aren’t really any lawyers. Thanks image search.

Creepy lawyer

Oh no! I see a verdict in your future.

You have the right to remain creepy.

Chicken goes down

Old thug

Let's go to THAT Denny's.

Laptop Bling

Gangstas keep their laptops real. With gold plating and Norton handgun security. Bang!

Little gangster bitch

Don't make me fucking kill you.

Can't you see that I am dangerous?

Camouflage Warrior

No one sees my nips coming
before I blast them.

More internet security

Bang Bang!

Freak has sex with rose

Freeze!

Freeze!!

Freeeeze!!!

FREEZE!!! Or no lap dance!!!

Freeze!! The 80s are over!!

 

Oh, here's your bullet.

FREEZE!!! I need you...

 

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Searched for: serious woman (pt 2)

July 11th, 2011 by badstockart

Serious women don’t take no shit from spammers.

Psycho beats her computer

Do yoursef a favor... don't have kids.

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Searched for: senior couple

July 5th, 2011 by badstockart

Is there any way you could make them look like artwork airbrushed on the side of a van? Also, shouldn’t she be topless? Also, shouldn’t there be giant coyote eyes looming in the sunset?

Neon retirement

Nuclear family on the beach


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searched for: July 4th

July 4th, 2011 by badstockart

Maybe I’m not post-ironic enough to get this one. Are they singing the national anthem?

USA cat and dog

Meow meow meowwwww Meow Meow Meowwwwwwwwwwww - Woof!

 

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Searched for: serious woman

July 3rd, 2011 by badstockart

Well, she is serious about one thing: hot dance moves. And don’t think I didn’t notice her fiery red hair blowing in the breeze; I did. The breeze was most likely caused by the fan they deliberately set up to make her look awesome.

Hot dance moves

90s jeans meet 70s dance moves -
not sure if they're designed for that

 

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