Bad Stock Art

Is this kid praising Jesus or summoning his flying animatronic friends to come feast on the living?

Come brothers! Let us devour the fat ones first!

The stupidity of this stock photo speaks for itself. But not for long.

Cut. It. Out. No really, don't.

Not much is more comforting than the warm embrace of a clown.

Mommy the other clowns said they eat bad little boys. You won't eat me, will you, Mom? Mom?

The title of this is “young woman accepts medicine”. I’m going to go ahead and assume that the medicine is Rohypnol and the photographer is the doctor.

Mummy want meds! Rrraaaaghhhh!

Women are made to look like idiots. A lot. It’s kind of the hallmark of advertising. You’d think that would make this image useful. It doesn’t.

Iron Woman

My favorite stock photography site claims this is a mixed-race father and daughter. This may well be true, in which case, bless you and your diverse genetic beauty. But, could you put some shirts on and stop having face sex with the camera? Thanks.

Creepy smile for Daddy. Gross.

Technically, the photography isn’t bad – they did a pretty good job with the whole miniature set thing. Her giant head and tiny legs just creeps me the hell out. Also creepy: photographers making children cry for their shot.

Don't cry kid... you only have to work until you're dead.

Thanks to Elyse M. for this creepy little worker bee.

This is such a typical distortion of history by the Man: pilgrims didn’t have cell phones!

What do you mean they killed all the indians??

Women sure are struggling. If stock photos (and most advertising) is to be believed, most women are seconds away from madness. Sexy, sexy madness.

Didn’t know black face was on the relaxing spa menu.

I'll have the full-body dookie facial.

Just keep chewing until you feel it working.

Sadly, not the stupidest beauty treatment you'll see.

The pensive cat gets the bird.

Put a bird on it.

Let’s try and guess what the debate is all about: Did they A) eat a bunch of LSD and start tripping hard during their meeting or B) get sent to the afterlife after Brad finally lost it and shot up the place?

Whichever it is, someone needs to die.

Well, this customer certainly is getting serviced – hey-ohhh! Seriously though, could this be any more perverse? Maybe if Mom was in there too.

Mommy, Daddy's giving us ice cream again!

Well, she’s probably pretty useless considering she’s squirming around in a onesie bathing suit and freaky disco goggles while taking phone calls. Plus, that big condom hat over her ears must make it pretty hard to hear.

Thanks for calling Synchronized Disco Swim Freaks, how may I direct your call?

Notice there aren’t really any lawyers. Thanks image search.

Oh no! I see a verdict in your future.

You have the right to remain creepy.

Let's go to THAT Denny's.

Gangstas keep their laptops real. With gold plating and Norton handgun security. Bang!

Don't make me fucking kill you.

No one sees my nips coming
before I blast them.

Bang Bang!

Freeze!

Freeze!!

Freeeeze!!!

FREEZE!!! Or no lap dance!!!

Freeze!! The 80s are over!!

Oh, here's your bullet.

FREEZE!!! I need you...

Serious women don’t take no shit from spammers.

Do yoursef a favor... don't have kids.

Is there any way you could make them look like artwork airbrushed on the side of a van? Also, shouldn’t she be topless? Also, shouldn’t there be giant coyote eyes looming in the sunset?

Nuclear family on the beach

Maybe I’m not post-ironic enough to get this one. Are they singing the national anthem?

Meow meow meowwwww Meow Meow Meowwwwwwwwwwww - Woof!

Well, she is serious about one thing: hot dance moves. And don’t think I didn’t notice her fiery red hair blowing in the breeze; I did. The breeze was most likely caused by the fan they deliberately set up to make her look awesome.

90s jeans meet 70s dance moves -
not sure if they're designed for that