The image title is, ahem, “stock-photo-two-young-women-wear-gas-masks-connected-to-each-other-for-a-unique-photograph”. I smell a Lifetime original movie. Or maybe I just smell someone else’s breath attached to my face by a hose. Maybe Lifetime will sponsor the Human Centipede sequel.
Lesbian Centipede (only on Lifetime)
Yep. The future is looking pretty bleak. At least we’ll still have cookies to get us through the hard times. Or maybe they’re making diarrhea cookies. Those would stink.
I don't want corn in mine! I like nuts!
Thank you ANONYMOUS FAN for sharing this gas mask fetish with us.
Well kids, we finally received our first scary legal email from one of our favorite places to find the best stock photography garbage. We had to remove many of our classic favorites. It’s sad, we know. We’ll have to start licensing all of our junk from now on, like this junk here.
Hulk scared!!!
Um, can you at least throw a tarp down before you cut off your own head? It’s just common decency.
Don't worry, this is just a cry for help.
The photographer has prudently depicted a timeless classic: the business casual ladies spank fight. It’s a scene we’ve all witnessed at the office before, and FINALLY, for a nominal licensing fee, advertisers can use this image to sell products of all kinds to needy children near and far. Or just laugh at how stupid it is.
It's my turn to use the facsimile machine!
Is stripping considered a blue collar job? I suppose maybe it is…
Hayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Work it till it hurts, bitch!!! I have NO EFFING CLUE why jumping is so popular. It’s not really an expression of any kind. Except in this case, it expresses this fierce bitch working it until it hurts.
Ohhhh yeeeeahhhh!! FEEL my delivery!!!
Finally. She’s dead. I assume she’s supposed to be exhausted from running on the treadmill. But I think she’s tired of posing like an idiot for her boyfriend, er, “photographer”. (Yes, those are sarcasm quotes)
Dead. Like my modeling career.
If only this were a hugely popular tradition and the streets were filled with naked couples wrapped in flags. Brings a patriotic tear to my eye… sniff…
Hey, where's the flag pole ... OH! there it is...
I couldn’t help myself – I had to pick on this girl again. Her confused, raised-eyebrow expression is supposed to be her “sexy look”, I suppose, since she’s not wearing underwear. Add to this the awkward way she’s kicking out her leg and it’s clear that something “not good” is going on “down there”.
Got that not-so-fresh feeling? Maybe you shouldn't put hammers down there.
Dear photographers… Please don’t set up confusing compositions full of obscure objects. I know, you were just trying to get that model in bed, but, do you really have to publish and attempt to sell the useless fruits of your fantasy photo album? (she’s wearing a utility belt and posing at a “construction site”, if you’re still trying to figure that out)
Who wants to get hammered? I'm lookin at you, big boy.
There he goes again… trying to intimidate us with his aggressive emoting and gangster props. That cowboy hat just screams aggravated assault.
Does this gun make me look scary?
This model is too cool to realize he’s wearing tapered acid wash denim jeans from 1989 and copyrighted shoes from the same decade. It’s ironic couture. (not really, it’s just bad stock photography)
Hey baby. Got a light? I need to burn these clothes.
Excellence? Really? How do YOU measure excellence? Surely the longest sausage is the best… or is it the banger with the most breadth?
I see your brat is as excellent as mine.
Thank you so much @victoriaosborne – our most excellent submitter of bad stock art! (hopefully she’ll take over the blog someday…)
If you look past the unusable cheesiness of this scene, you’ll notice just what freaks the Europeans are. See, he’s holding euros. You didn’t notice the euros, did you? Nope, you were too busy eyeballing the 16 year olds. It’s okay, we understand. They’re practically legal. They’re your statutory dates.
Know when to walk away, know when to run...
This has to be the most bitchin party scene ever concocted by the mind of man. This psychedelic electro jam is entitled, “Barack-Obama-3D-model”. If you ever want to throw down, do it with the president, a giant and futuristic electro drugs.
Gimme some fist jab
She must be a specialist – with the special ability to hear through her eyeball.
Look! I'm a nurse!
Well well well, I wondered when Jesus would come to the party. Apparently the J-Man is healing a deaf, blind mute. And apparently he did this by feeding him delicious body of Christ. Just a nibble though. Note: the illustration is fine, but I do find it to be utterly useless, plus weird. Get your divine fingers out of this poor guy’s mouth, you freak.
Would you also like a pedicure, master?
You’re kidding right? Oh no, I forgot… you’re an artist – everything you create is a masterpiece! The photographer/artist named this, “wheelchair disabled nude decapitation handicapped”. Got to give it to him, not having a head can be a challenge.
Give yourself a hug. Everything will be alright.
Now, this is more like it. That guy looks disabled. He’s definitely becoming a zombie. (don’t be too grossed out, it’s photoshop)
Look into my eye!
